Lying to be perfect.

I just finished watching "Lying to be Perfect" on the lifetime channel. I related to this movie more than I actually thought I would, It was my life to the exact same problem, different situation. In this movie the main actress (Nola) is a overweight, low self-esteem, Journalist who can write her behind off but was never given the chance because she was overweight and wasn’t the image of your everyday skinny, Hollywood woman and instead of writing she ended up the copy girl. She ends up making up this "Belinda Apple" Character up in order to get her chance to shine by writing an advice column for the magazine Nola works for. Belinda was everything that Nola wanted to be but thought she could never be. Belinda was beautiful, smart, in shape, outgoing, willing to take risk, made her dreams come to reality and so on. So behind this fake character was this woman that overate because she was an emotional eater, never took risk because she was scared of falling, always followed because she didn’t think she was a born leader, and was scared of change. Belinda Apple ends up getting a book deal, but the only problem is Belinda Apple has never been seen to anyone else but Nola. Nola and her two friends end up falling for Belinda’s advice and make up a diet & fitness plan, they called it the Cinderella Pack. Two out of the three friends choose to stick to the diet & fitness plan and do it the natural way to lose weight and one friend choose to have the lap band surgery. Anyway Nola ends up meeting an amazing guy, who she thought was just the computer geek at her job named Chip but he ends up being the editor at the book company who just wants to publish Belinda Apple’s book. Long story short Nola loses her weight, and realizes that her real issues are exposed and better than expect life ends up turning around for Nola. She realizes that everything she made Belinda to be she was, but was to afraid to show it to the world. She realized that even when she was bigger she deserved to be that leader, that amazing writer, that high self-esteem woman who had dreams and was willing to do anything to make them into reality. By the end of the movie she had to tell everyone who Belinda Apple really was, and she ended up changing not only her life but others as well, she also got the man of her dreams.



Nola is me, I walk around pretending I am all these things and yet I have no clue who I am and where I belong. I put up this front because I am scared to tear down the walls I worked so hard to build up for everyone to realize I don't even know myself. I don't know what I want to be nor where I want to go and its because I spent to many years trying to please others or following behind someone. I am overweight because I am an emotional eater and when I plan to lose the weight I always end up cheating and tell myself “tomorrow will be the day I start my diet” but tomorrow is everyday. I have the lowest to no self-esteem because I never once took the risk of trying to build it up. I feel as though I always need new clothes because I want to hide so no one can figure me out. I can be this born leader, with God giving talents and yet I wouldn't know of them nor know of the born leader I can be, because I was so busy following other people. I let my flaws make me who I am instead embracing every beauty God has given me. I let people define me because I don’t know how to define myself. I never open my eyes because I always expect others to do it for me. I always settle because I never think I am good enough to be more. I don’t have dreams of my own because all of my dreams are everyone else’s. I never try in life because I am so scared of finding out who I really am that I wouldn’t dare take that chance. In November we had a visiting pastor who did a prayer line, he told me I'd see it on TV. I know this is what God was talking about when he said I'd see it on TV, this movie. I even wonder while watching the movie why God waited so long for me to see what he was talking about but than I realized he was waiting on me to be at a place in my life where I could be ready for change and I would be willing to accept it with open arms. I always thought I’ve been at this place in my life but honestly I never was, but after church today and being delivered from those old habits than needed to go and letting go of those people who never deserved to share a special place in my life I realized I am ready to take this world on, I ready to use my heart, I am ready to learn who I am and where I am going, I am ready to find out WHO SHALONDA IS! I am ready to see the will that God has planned for my life. I am ready to LOVE ME. I am ready to develop my own dreams and plan to make my own dreams reality. I am ready to see past the flaws and see my true beauty. But most of all I am ready to tear down these wall and to keep them down. I know God has a beautiful plan for me, that makes me different and stand out because I am suppose to be different and I am suppose to stand out because I was cut from a different cloth. With Gods guidance and with his grace I will MAKE IT! Life is finally starting and its starting off with a bang, yes there will be hard times and there will be times where I will want to give up but all I have to remember is God would never forsake me nor leave me and remember where I came from and where I am going. The Belinda Apple of my life no long exist nor will she never becoming back.